HUMOR

Great Scientific Papers of the Twenty-First Century

by Ben Henley

Oops, I theorized again

Posted September 29, 2000 · Issue 87


Abstract

The following is courtesy of the Acausal Communications Group of the Nevada Institute of Computer Science. By combining standard Internet protocols with the latest developments in quantum computing, the group has been able to receive TCP/IP packets before they are sent, allowing access to Web pages from the future. I managed to obtain these abstracts of the major scientific articles of the next 100 years.


Tetrahydrocannabinol Expression in a Major Crop Plant
(
Nature 418, 181-184)

Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) is the major psychoactive ingredient in the leaves of Cannabis sativa. It is now widely accepted that this compound is useful both medically, as an analgesic and antiemetic (1, 2), and socially, as a replacement for drugs that are socially damaging (such as alcohol) or illegal (such as MDMA and nicotine). However, outmoded legislation and social attitudes, coupled with the difficulties of cultivating the plant, mean that its availability is still restricted. Recent work has uncovered the biochemical pathways by which THC is synthesized in the leaves of C. sativa. By using a variety of bioinformatics approaches, we have isolated a subset of C. sativa enzymes that are sufficient to support THC synthesis in maize (Zea mays mays).

We then inserted the required genes, along with control elements, using the novel Gx plasmid (3). Sequencing and expression profiling confirm a high level of enzyme activity in the target maize endosperm, making possible large scale cutlery of an effective cannabis substitute. Did I just write "cutlery"? I meant "cultivation." Dude, I am so baked.

Complete Annotated Genome Sequence of Britney Spears
(
Nature Genetics 35, 326-338)

New pore-based sequencing technology (1) has allowed full genomic sequences to be completed for nearly all mammalian species at a rate unthinkable only five years ago. The challenge that arises for human genetics in the postgenomic era is to understand how variation between - and epistatic interaction within - individual genomes creates individuality. Only by doing this will we be able to understand the true limits of human potential.

Accordingly, we have undertaken to obtain the complete DNA sequence of one of the most exceptional individuals of our age. Following a successful career as an entertainer, Britney Spears has made major contributions to areas as diverse as mathematics, literature, and international diplomacy. We have shown earlier (2, 3) that Ms. Spears's abilities represent the top 0.01 percent of physical and intellectual attainment for the human species.

By analyzing the differences between the Spears data and the canonical HGP/Celera consensus sequence, we present a list of 37 genes that are candidates for explaining variation in general intelligence (g), perceived attractiveness, mathematical ability, and musical aptitude. The implications of our findings are then briefly discussed.

United States Patent 9,027,830: Cytosine

Inventor: J. Craig Venter
Assignee: Celera Genomics
Filed: June 26th, 2000

Abstract

The current invention relates to the nitrogenous base cytosine (2-oxy-4-amino pyrimidine) and its use in the storage and retrieval of genetic information. Briefly, by using a derivative of the compound containing phosphorylated 2-deoxyribose, a polymerized molecule can be formed using 3'-5' phosphodiester bonds. This derivative will interact noncovalently with 2-amino-6-oxy purine, leading the polymers to adopt a characteristic spiral conformation. By varying the order of bases used, genetic information can be encoded. In addition, methods of copying and transcribing the information are described.

Special Note: It is not the policy of Celera Genomics to pursue restrictive patents. This patent is only intended to cover genetic systems that use cytosine. No claim is made in relation to other genetic systems.

Effectiveness of Male "Morning After" Contraception: A Cohort Study
(
Lancet 2014; 370: 1615-22)

Background

The new male emergency contraceptive, revirilidine ("Afructex," Avonis Pharm.) has been licensed for use in the United States and Europe (1, 2, 3), but no trial has investigated important questions about its limitations in practice. In particular, the effects of delayed administration and noncompliance have not been analyzed. We followed a cohort of men who had been supplied with revirilidine and assessed its effectiveness.

Methods

500 men between the ages of 18 and 40 were selected through general practitioners and provided with 10 doses of 30 mg revirilidine. Usage, clinical outcome, and patient satisfaction were recorded during one year of follow-up.

Findings

While 242 (48 percent) of participants reported being involved in at least one situation when they felt that use of the contraceptive would have been appropriate, of these only 73 (30 percent) actually used it at least once. The median number of uses was 1.4. Reasons given for nonuse included "forgetfulness" (43 percent), "a hangover" (30 percent), "sports commitments" (22 percent), and "deeply held moral/spiritual values" (2 percent).

Of those participants who did use revirilidine, 58 (79 percent) used it only once, and of this group, 53 (91 percent) reported that they either "agreed" or "agreed strongly" that they would not use it again. Reported side effects included nausea, headaches, trembling, photophobia, disorientation, and angst, although in some cases it was not possible to show conclusively that these were effects of the medication.

Interpretation

While revirilidine has been shown to be effective in a carefully managed clinical setting, its effectiveness in a social setting is doubtful.

Ben Henley is a genetics graduate and Ph.D. dropout. He is currently special projects editor at BioMed Central.


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