Once the reviewers have settled down, pretended to listen to the first couple of reviews, and read the important government documents in their folders, there's not much else to do except stare at the people on the other side of the table and play with rubber bands. Ever concerned about health, the NIH (National Institutes on Humor) has created several exercises for the reviewers to do before and during the meeting.

Before the Meeting

• Read grant application until you come to a reference.
• Walk to library, find journal, and haul to photocopy machine.
• Make photocopy.
• Return to office with photocopy, but do not under any circumstances read it.
• Pick up grant application and repeat exercise again and again and again. . . .

(2) Grant Gaze (good for eye muscles)

• Read one sentence of grant application.
• Raise head, focus on a distant object for one minute.
• Refocus on grant application, find the same sentence and read it again.
• Raise head, focus on a distant object for one minute.
• Repeat until you fall asleep.

During the Meeting

(3) Grant Lift (good for upper arms and back)

• Raise stack of 137 grant applications several inches off the table.
• Remove the bottom grant application, lower stack back onto table.
• Rest 15 minutes (Note: this is a perfect time to do the Grant Gaze exercise)
• Repeat exercise 136 times or until you fall asleep.

(4) Grant Toss (good for arm and wrist)

• Grasp grant application between thumb and fingers.
• Fling into the trash heap located in the center of table (try to avoid hitting the people sitting across from you).
• Repeat 136 times or until you fall asleep.

(5) Coffee Break (good for legs, arm, and thumb)

• Stand up, walk slowly to coffee urn, and grasp a microcup.
• Place cup under spout and press lever firmly with thumb.
• When cup is full, remove thumb.
• Raise cup to lips and empty entire contents (3.7 ml) into mouth.
• Repeat again and again until you don't fall asleep.

(6) Rubber band pull (good for arm, wrist, and fingers)

• Place rubber band around one finger on each hand.
• Pull hands apart, stretching rubber band as far as it will go.
• Bring hands back together.
• Repeat until rubber band breaks and shoots SRA in the head

(7) Back Peddling (good for heart and lungs)

• Say something preposterous.
• Wait for someone to take issue with your comment.
• Argue vigorously about it for 20 minutes, then deny you said it.
• Repeat 136 times or until everyone ignores you.